Anyone else exhausted from living this life?

After reading the post below, I felt like screaming: I am SO exhausted from living life this way! Does anyone else feel like this?

LETTING GO

Soul knowledge sends you in the opposite direction from consumerism. It’s not addition that makes one holy but subtraction: stripping the illusions, letting go of the pretense, exposing the false self, breaking open the heart and the understanding, not taking my private self too seriously. In a certain sense we are on the utterly wrong track. We are climbing while Jesus is descending, and I think in that we reflect the pride and the arrogance of Western civilization, always trying to accomplish, perform, and achieve. We transferred much of that to our version of Christianity and became spiritual consumers. The ego is still in charge. When the self takes itself that seriously, there’s no room left for God. All we can really do is get ourselves out of the way, and we can’t even do that.  Adapted from: Radical Grace

Whether you believe in Jesus or not, the rat-race mentality is very real in the western culture I call "home." Religion aside, we are bombarded with messages such as: achievement = success, in order to be valued you must perform better than the next person, you are not really a contributing citizen to society unless you are employed or have achieved recognition from an institution of higher learning. Religion at its worst falls directly in line with this mind-set. You aren't really a Christian until you prove it to the world by acquiring this level of knowledge, and performing in this way. When does it end? Even after meeting expectations, the pressure to accomplish more controls our lives. We live in a world where addition provides promise and subtraction implies defeat -forcing us to settle for the superficial, small victories in life. And where does that leave us? 

Perhaps my connection to the overarching pressure to achieve, stems from my geographical roots in the NYC area in the United States the center of the rat-race. However, my observations, albeit limited, tell me this evaluation system is not limited to a bubble of 19 million people in the world. In fact, it appears to go hand in hand with capitalism, ultimately producing an insatiable appetite for success. What kind of life do we live if we have no capacity for contentment?

For me, it is a life of exhaustion.

Right now, my lens is development work where one can never do enough to change the surrounding injustices. If only we can convince more people to give more money! If only I spent more hours improving systems and educate people on sustainability. If only I read more books on development work. If only I knew more influential people! If only I was more charismatic and could engage more people in the cause! If only I had a higher education degree to boost my credibility! The sad reality, is this is focused on the "self" and ultimately  "taking my private self too seriously." We become human-doings rather than human-beings until life ceases and all our assets and accomplishments die with us. Is this really what life is all about? Something in me rebels against accepting this reality. I refuse to embrace these values, yet my life reflects the contrary. To borrow from Radical Grace, "When the self takes itself that seriously, there’s no room left for God." I would add "or mystery." I long to live a life enamored by mystery.

What would it take to become creators or better yet, listeners, rather than consumers? I live under the assumption that I am responsible for my growth and worth. Frankly, accomplishments feel good. There is something organic in feeling satisfied after producing something we are proud of. But what initiates our creation? Are we spurred on by creativity in itself or the recognition from other people? How can we be freed from the external pressures of society and live out of the empowerment of our unique selves. Selves that are valued simply because we are free-thinking individuals who offer a distinct perspective to the world around us.

I am tired of feeling exhausted.